Caught your Allergies...

Clint has been battling "allergies" for a few days now. Stuffy nose, snot rags all around. He's been taking Slade's allergy pills every day but still blowing his nose like crazy. I woke up yesterday morning with a bit of a swore throat and it just hit me how Clint is sick and now I have it. He's in denial and keeps holding to the notion that he has a case of bad alleriges. Thanks for giving me your allergies!

I woke up feeling much better today. A couple of Ibuprofens do it for me. I just hope Crispin can keep the stuffy noses away. That always makes for a hard time nursing and not to mention sleep!

Yesterday I took Crispin to the playground and he will scare the living daylights out of any parent around. I can't stop that kid from climbing from bar to bar like a monkey. I break my back trying to tear him away from them. I just have to be near so in case he slips I can at least break his fall with my feet or something. He's getting much better at climbing and I'm not so scared for him anymore. Most people around are from different countries and because they can't yell at us in english, they will make sounds to alert me or him that he's scaring the heck out of them. I just have to act like I'm ready for him when he falls. He will do it over and over again and people around seem to feel better about the whole scenario after a while. If it's one thing this kid has, it's GUSTO! It won't be long before he's jumping out of planes. Maybe it's a good thing we stop having anymore kids - they seem to be coming out with bigger huevos than the first one. Slade had moxie, Jack had skill but Crispin has all of that and some!

Too Young to be parents?

I think not! Look at this handsome, loving, intelligent, kind, gentle, well spoken, polite, compasssionate young boy. I would have never thought this is what we would have been likely to conceive 12 years ago. I wish I could take more credit it for it, but on my part I have to give God the glory. Through His grace was I able to see the things in my growing up that I would not want repeated in anyone's life. Through God's grace, I was given a wonderful, easy son to care for, which gave me room to get to know myself and align my spirit with what God wants for us. We have never thought of Slade as "a mistake" because he wasn't conceived in a traditional way. We are proud of our backwards way of doing things. Proud when teachers come up to us and tell us what a joy it has been to have a kid like ours in their class. Proud when strangers come over to us in shopping malls to meet the parent's of this polite boy who held the door open for them. Proud when friends' parents call us up out of the blue to tell us how Slade has given comfort to their child by being a good friend. Proud when people meet us for the first time and they get that "Oh - Slade is YOUR son? He is such a super kid." Like they half expected some better dressed, older parent to pick up this kid.

Clint can better describe the essence of our boys through his writing. I come from that place of proud mamma blubbering.

I am so amazed and I guess it will never end for me.

I figured it out!

After doing much reflecting on this whole situation, I have finally come to some understanding of why it bothered me so much that I had these feelings towards this woman. I was squelching what is so innate for me and I wasn’t even giving this person a chance to speak before I had already judged her, chopped her into categories and then put her on the BBQ.

What I found, talking and enjoying people in all their humanness – comes easy for me and I enjoy it immensely. I really like getting to know people and forming bonds.
For now because I am totally dedicated to my family in body, mind and soul, I can’t throw myself into the work that I feel led to do. That would be working with women.
I know I will someday have a forum that will allow me to really have an impact in women’s lives. I have ventured out and tried doing that with doula and midwifery work and it seemed like it wasn’t the time for me to take that on. My family needed me and I needed to know that I would be available for them. Plus, I knew I wanted another baby and I wanted to enjoy every bit of him instead of having one boob in his mouth while I tried to coordinate a schedule that is very much indefinite. Babies come at all hours - 24 hours a day. (Plus, I can live vicariously through Mandy and not deal with carrying a pager!)

I have always said if I can make a difference in someone’s life within my arm’s span, within reach of my front porch, then I will. I’m not an overt type person that will protest out in the streets for women’s rights, home birth, crunchy peanut butter over creamy or any other worthy causes. I would much rather have one on one conversations with people and do what I can to lift them up and give them hope in their despair or share with them in other senseless activities like who’s who on reality TV shows or whatever. I would much rather have eye contact with a person and share with them in tangible ways. I can do that. It’s a part of me that I can’t deny and this experience has really made me embrace it for all it’s worth. It’s my way of being accessible and feeling a part of something bigger than myself and my family.

All that said, yesterday I had her over for lunch and we had a nice conversation on Mexican remedies. She’s from Mexico and has been in the States for a few years now. When she first got to my house, I didn’t have that “oh great – look who’s here.” It was a great feeling to be myself rather than act like I was too busy to even bother with her.

Thanks for all the comments. I’m feeling much better about the situation. I know I learned from it all and that is always something you hope to do from certain circumstances.

How we met

1991 Summer - flew to AZ from NM for the first Lollapalooza concert in PHX. We stayed a week with some friends of ours that happened to be roommates with Clint and his then girlfriend. In that time Clint and I maybe exchanged 2 words which were probably “Oh” and “cool.” He was very kind to us and made my friend and I mixed tapes of some really cool bands he had on CD.
I didn’t think much of him – thought he looked a little too skinny and maybe was a recovering drug addict. That was my first impression of him. His girlfriend got some vibe that I was trying to hit on her man. It was weird because like I said we hadn’t exchanged more than 2 words to each other.

1991 Winter – We drove to AZ for the Red Hot Chili Pepper and Pearl Jam concert. My friends had moved to a new apartment and Clint and his friends lived in the same complex. He was girlfriend-less and looking a bit meatier! We talked more and he seemed to be a really cool funny guy. I ended up liking his roommate more.

1992 Summer – My girlfriends and I moved to Tempe to start our new independent life the day after we graduated High School. Clint lived in a house with 5 other guys and it was pretty much the party house. So, of course we found ourselves there a lot. I was still seeing his roommate and he was a big jerk and in no time it was over. Clint was a super nice guy and all the girls liked him but they liked him more “as a friend” I just thought he was the sweetest guy around but of course at the time I didn’t think I deserved such a nice thing. So, I stayed away from him in that way. One day I finally had enough liquor in me to ask why he had never tried to kiss me. I was only surprised because all his other roommates had tried to kiss every girl that walked into their house. He made some remark about how I was a tease. I think I sobered up real quick because that freaked me out to be thought of something so lascivious. So, months passed and I had moved into a house just up the street from him and he would come over to get away from his noisy party house. We became good friends and hung out here and there. He started inviting me to eat chicken wings at Long Wongs (ten cent wing special!) and I kinda knew things were heading into a different direction and I didn’t want to go there for whatever reason. So, like the tease he accused me of being, I never met him for lunch that day and he waited for me all afternoon. After work I headed to the bar with another guy friend and the bar just happen to be across the street from where Clint was eating chicken wings. I felt like such an ass, but I waved a big wave like “hey – just having an underage beer with some friends.” When I got home my roommate told me how Clint had waited for me to get home and I never showed up. There was even a little note that he left for me.

Months later, he moved to Scottsdale and asked that nobody come over to their new house to party because they wanted a party free house. I stayed away for a few weeks but somehow I ended up with some friends and we had a great time of just hanging out in a nice quiet manner. Clint and I became close friends and we just started to get closer and closer. He finally found a job and stuck with it. We would spend all weekend together and do fun date stuff like going to the movies or eating ice cream together. It was really nice and sweet.

After a few months I became so paralyzed with fear of getting hurt or hurting him that I broke up with him and told him to leave me alone. (I blame it on hormones) He didn’t. He called every day still. I had an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get on the pill and was pretty close to canceling it because I wouldn’t be needing it anymore because I was single. I went anyway and filled out these forms that asked questions about how I was feeling – breast soreness was the biggest one that popped out at me. I had been feeling a little off a week or so before and we had bought 2 different pregnancy tests and the first one was iffy so I bought at second one and that one was plain NEGATIVE. So, I didn’t give much thought anymore. So, I’m sitting in the office waiting for my results and all I can think is “this sort of thing doesn’t happen to me. This is the sort of thing that happens to other girls, not me.” My results were positive and the biggest smile came over my face like I had hit the lottery. I was trying my best to act more ill fated like the nurse but I was so giddy with excitement. She asked me if I wanted any information on abortions, adoptions and healthcare. I took it all because I didn’t know what Clint was going to think about it all.

I drive to Clint’s work and mind you I hadn’t seen him in over a week and was a real witch with him on the phone when he did call. So, Clint gets out of work and sees me and just hangs his head down and I’m bouncing along side him and I just say, “we are going to have a baby.” His response was “is that the only reason why you came back?” I’m so shocked because in my mind I felt this peace come with the positive results, letting me know that everything was going to be just fine and this was all part of THE plan. I thought Clint would react in the same way initially. I told him how I thought this was a sign showing us that we were meant to be together. Within minutes we were talking marriage! I mean marriage! I thought we would live together try it out if it didn’t work- well we gave it a shot. I didn’t think he wanted to marry me just because I was pregnant. We call my mom and she blurts out, “there goes your life.” I was again flabbergasted – like why the heck wasn’t anyone seeing how great this was? I told her how I felt and that I was sorry she didn’t see it that way. A minute later she said, “Let me speak to my new son-in-law.”

3 months later we were married at the Little Chapel of Mesa (I think that is what it’s called – someone correct me if I am wrong)
8 months later Slade was born and was very much welcomed with open arms.

Clint said the moment he saw me he knew he wanted to marry me. That could explain the vibe his girlfriend got! He would always ask me to marry him when we were just friends. I never thought I would ever be a wife or a mother. I just never dreamt like that. I’m so very thankful how it all played out and also because we now have 12 years under our belts! 12 years!

I hope that everyone who reads this will share their story on their blog! Let me know in comments so I can come check it out!

Here is Clint's version of how we met that he wrote on his blog last month:
Love Like Ducks
08/07/2005 - 12 Years

13 Years Ago:

He: Blissfully jobless, soldier of the test lab army, the plasma pit professionals, living with 5 like minded cohorts and one old man, the 65 year old T-Bone. Country mouse in the City. Car - left in a parking lot somewhere, reverse not working, no longer needed, gas and repairs too expensive. 90’s socialist (slacker), friend of crusty punks, hippie chicks, wake and bakes, SHARP skins (the good guys, modern day super heroes combating racist dickheads everyday). Moving headlong into future goal of rail tramp, a life off the grid and apart of modern day consumerism. Deeply depressed, fighting depression with alcohol and losing.

She: Employee of Chicagies, struggling to get by, nickle and dimes, nickle and dimes, living with like minded cohort in tiny one room shack with black walls. Car – Toyota Tercel, dented and burnt, runs strong like a three legged frisbee catching dog. ½ hippie chick ½ raver, cute, cute as hell in Boston Red Sox baseball cap, cut-off jeans, tank top, and Chuck’s, nice legs, strong. Good person, happy and free, forgiver, forgave mother and others, friends with all.

Both: stuggle daily and party nightly, struggle to find money to attend concerts, the All concert at the Silver Dollar, Fugazi, Charlatans UK, struggle to find enough money to attend dance clubs, dance all night to PIL, Beastie Boys, Jane’s Addiction, Pailhead, Stone Roses, etc…..

Good friends, He secretly loved her, secretly longed to touch her, to shove aside the painstaking talks about bands and music and talk about her, just about her, her life, her dreams, her school, her grandma’s house of adobe and brick next to an irrigation canal, her uncle’s truck that carried her and her cousins on its bumper along dirt roads shadily twisting amongst beautiful pecan trees, her brother’s bb guns and their scarring potential, their holiday tradition of wrapping the turkey in burlap and cooking it in a hole dug into the tierra de Nuevo Mexico, the sides of mashed potatoes, beans, menudo, and tortillas. Talk of her, know her.

That’s it, that’s how we started. Nice starting point, like starting a 10k after a night of binge drinking and bad burritos. Like heading to Mexico with 10 plasma dollars in a car owned and operated by a driver with questionable intent. But the starting point is minor, funny to look at, marvel at, poke at like a caged bobcat caught late at night by a group of drunken farmers, but negligible, interesting yes, considerable no.

No, no, no, see, our love could have been realized at college, an ivy-league school with proud parents looking on approvingly, nudging, or at work, leaning on slivered hoes talking over rows of cotton as the foreman with elbow firmly planted on dented hood of white truck whiped his sweaty brow. Our love could have birthed anywhere at anytime, it was and remains undeniable, inevitable. We would have found each other, our planes on extended layover and we, while ordering beer to pass the time would have looked at each other and knew, knew three kids, knew air conditioners in need of recharging, knew phoned in prescriptions, knew homebirths, knew knitted hats.

We would have looked at each other and instantaneously realized, yes, yes, that we we’re created, birthed in doctor’s offices and in hospitals, lived through shouting parents, endless pinatas, picnics after long drives, lived through raked leaves, mowed lawns, stifling churches with their glaring teachers, lived through flat tires on rutted roads, through rock climbings, crowded locker rooms, first kisses and the gum thereafter, lived through all these things and more just for this, for us. We would have known.

And now, 12 years later, we are here, here, anywhere. Happily married and I, I still want to talk to her, I still want to know her, to talk of her, and we, we still love each other, we will love each other, we will love each other like ducks. We will grow old and retire and I will still want to know her, we will drive happy camper drives to Bouse and collect rocks, we will visit grandchildren and offer them hot glue gun artifacts with wiggly eyes and yarn, we will fart as we walk by children in front of tv’s and chuckle to ourselves. Until one day, I will take her wrinkled hand with purple veins and swollen knuckles, and I will ask her to dance and we will dance, we will dance to PIL, to Elliott Smith and we will drink and laugh and laugh and laugh and our kidneys will fail and our hearts will attack and we will laugh and laugh and my knees will buckle and we will smile at our life, our life as one, and we will fall down and lie side by side and I will still want to know her and our eyes will close and with her hand held in mine she will tell me all without moving lips and I will listen and as the grains of dirt splash on the lacquered oak I will know, I will know, I will know her.

take me out!

Poor crispin has been cooped up all day. I did take him out for a bit in the later afternoon, but not for long.
Anyway, in this time I was able to sit with Crispin and hear him use new words and see him finally sign "please" when he wanted to nurse. AAAH - So sweet. He can say "horse" and "hand" He loves the fire engine VHS that Slade and Jack loved as little ones. He only likes the beginning and then he changes the channel. He will mmmm like a fire engine when he wants to watch the movie or if he hears sirens. We live right by the fire house and he will mmmm when he see the trucks. He has figured out if you turn a laundry basket or big plastic bowl upside down, you can use it as a stepping stool to reach things up high. You know things like knives, scissors, permanent markers, cameras, full glasses of water - those sorts of things. He's like David in "NO David!" Every time you turn your back he's up to something. Last night he broke the letter C off of Dad's laptop. In a blink of an eye he had it out like he knew what he was doing.


This kid is keeping me on my toes. It's a good thing there are other eyes on him too because he's getting too quick for just one person.

I've had it!

This is along the lines of working as a labor nurse. Yes, I do understand all the crap that they have to go through with the Dr's and rules, but I sometimes have that mentality of "changing it from the inside out" but I know it would be hard work and I may become jaded and pissed in that time. I’m not willing to risk that right now -I've got bigger fish to fry in this time.

I had a long story of what has happened recently that makes me question how much of a genuine caring person I am, but I’m condensing it and getting to the jist of my problem:

A few months ago a person has come into our lives that drives me nuts! I mean I just get sooooo annoyed that I want to scream! I’ve made some rash comments that have made me feel bad after saying them. But everytime we talk it’s one thing or another that is going on. She’s a single mother and I am watching her son after school and him and Jack play on the weekends and it’s been great. But for some reason I can’t stand talking to her for more than a minute. It seems like we always attract these single moms – this is like the 5th one that I can think of off hand but I’m sure there are more. Out of all of them this one drives me nuts. The rest of them I had a lot of fun with and got to know them pretty well and considered them to be some of my good friends. (I always think it’s God’s way of telling me to count my blessings, because I was not far from becoming a single mother and repeating the cycle that was the bain of my existence.) Nothing against single mothers at all – she could be a married women whom I have this contact with and she would still drive me nuts. I’m trying my best to embrace whatever it is that makes me want to scream. I’m trying to embrace her as a women, mother and friend. I am really trying to make sure my comments are heart felt and I’m not treating her like a 6 year old. I don’t like saying things that are not nice to people who are already down. For the time being I'm doing my best to keep my mouth shut!

So, that’s it – I’m trying to find it within me to put my guard down and treat her with the love and compassion she deserves in a genuine matter. I don’t like doing things that aren’t genuine. I’ve done things for the show of it or to please people and I will never put myself in that kind of mode again.

I came across this a few weeks ago and how true it is:

Attitude
by Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

A good day to chat

I woke up this morning from a horrible night. I went to bed with a pretty bad headache and then woke up at around 1 with a more intense one. I thought it was the bun in my hair, so I took out the elastic and tried to get comfortable. It didn’t work. I finally got out of bed and took 3 ibuprofens and went back to bed to wait for them to take affect. It was like I took a placebo because it did not a thing for me. I thought I was dying. Seriously. Like, I don’t walk around feeling death is at every corner but I thought this was going to be one of those sad but true stories you hear about. You know where someone goes to the Dr. because of some little thing and find out they have a brain tumor and die within hours of getting to the hospital. I was thinking that was my fate. After laying with my head hanging off the edge of the bed and massaging my neck for a few minutes, I found a comfortable spot and went off to sleepy land. When I did wake up I felt like I was hit by a truck. I’m so sore in my shoulders. I’m wondering if it’s from all the knitting I have been doing lately. Not to mention the carrying of this kid that weighs a ton.

I was up and showered and waiting for Crispin to wake up so we could go to moms’ group. He didn’t wake up till after 9:30. In that time Amanda called and we chatted like high school girlfriends. We both got our cycle back on the same day after like a 2 year hiatus. We talked hormones and their effect on us and how that could have been the culprit of my headache. She’s feeling the better effects of these hormones….bigger than life LIBIDO! The kind that would make a sailor blush. Lucky. I’m hoping that this surge of hormones will chill out and get back to normal. I’m wondering if this is par for course at this age. Maybe normal is a thing of the past and now I’m entering another phase of life that will require pro-activeness on my part. Gone are the days you take your body for granted and eat all the crap you want and still fit into your size 4 jeans. Gone are the days you don’t work out and still have a flat stomach. For sure gone are the days your boobs are perky and you don’t need a bra if you don’t want one. Long gone.
Oh- but I won’t take this sitting down, no not me. I will get on that treadmill and I will eat my tofu spinach salads and drink my yogurt infused with flax seed oil and not complain. I will start taking care of my body – yes I will.

Maybe next year, c’mon I’m still a young thang- it’s too early to start thinking menopausal. I’m still a nursing momma and need all those extra calories and I can’t just go and work out with our busy schedules. Who cares about fitting into jeans w/ out a belly roll.

Well, I’m off to bake a pie since the chocolate cake I made a couple of days ago is almost gone. Maybe I will make a ‘reduced calorie’ pie, something low cal to get by till next year where then I will be making tofu banana cream pie or carob chip cookies.

A New Week

We had a really great weekend. I guess you could say mine started on Thursday, so I had a GREAT weekend. Saturday was Jack's first soccer game in his whole life. We go there a bit late because Maria had the wrong directions. Clint took Slade to his game so I caught a ride with Maria. I did my best to not get so into the game or else I would have been running up and down the sidelines with them. I sat next to Margaret and we both had a knitting project going on and that is what kept me in check! Jack did well. I feel for him. It's like I'm him in these situations. He's still timid when it comes to getting the ball away from the other team. He is waiting for it to stop so that he can turn it around and kick it in the right direction. He will learn how to get in there and guide the ball. He needs a haircut too. Both these boys got really bad haircuts and now that their has grown out it doesn't look good at all. We are trying to talk Slade into cutting his hair short. I personally think he looks better with it long because of the way it curls. Jack is so meticulous that I'm afraid for him to get any hair cut off - it will throw him for a loop. We are easing him into a haircut this week.

I finally finished my sweater and bootie project. I'm pretty happy with the booties. It took me 7 attempts to finally have a pair. I need total concentration when I work on them. I hear I will need to be the same when I work on the heel flap of a sock. So, it's all just practice for the socks. Anyway, these things are for Madison Sage. I hope they fit and she can wear them.

That's it for now. need to see what these little ones are up to.

I've had it!

This is along the lines of working as a labor nurse. Yes, I do understand all the crap that they have to go through with the Dr's and rules, but I sometimes have that mentality of "changing it from the inside out" but I know it would be hard work and I may become jaded and pissed in that time. I’m not willing to risk that right now!

I had a long story of what has happened recently that makes me question how much of a genuine caring person I am, but I’m condensing it and getting to the jist of my problem:

A few months ago a person has come into our lives that drives me nuts! I mean I just get sooooo annoyed that I want to scream! I’ve made some rash comments that have made me feel bad after saying them. But everytime we talk it’s one thing or another that is going on. She’s a single mother and I am watching her son after school and him and Jack play on the weekends and it’s been great. But for some reason I can’t stand talking to her for more than a minute. It seems like we always attract these single moms – this is like the 5th one that I can think of off hand but I’m sure there are more. Out of all of them this one drives me nuts. The rest of them I had a lot of fun with and got to know them pretty well and considered them to be some of my good friends. (I always think it’s God’s way of telling me to count my blessings, because I was not far from becoming a single mother and repeating the cycle that was the bain of my existence.) Nothing against single mothers at all – she could be a married women whom I have this contact with and she would still drive me nuts. I’m trying my best to embrace whatever it is that makes me want to scream. I’m trying to embrace her as a women, mother and friend. I am really trying to make sure my comments are heart felt and I’m not treating her like a 6 year old. I don’t like saying things that are not nice to people who are already down.

So, that’s it – I’m trying to find it within me to put my guard down and treat her with the love and compassion she deserves in a genuine matter. I don’t like doing things that aren’t genuine. I’ve done things for the show of it or to please people and I will never put myself in that kind of mode again.

I came across this a few weeks ago and how true it is:

Attitude
by Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

Great day

I just love days like these. You feel like you had a great night sleep and have no problems waking up even though the sun isn't out yet. I was able to see Slade before he headed off for school. Jack had been wanting a ride to school all week. I told him I would take him today since I had moms' group. He was pretty happy with that.

Moms' group was great. I was able to still tie Crispin onto me in my ABC (Asian Baby Carrier) and help bag bread instead of chasing him all over the place. The discussion question that was brought up was a little too political to tackle in 15 min. But we still threw around some comments on it here and there. The question was something to the effect of having an obligation to fight for women globally or not concern ourselves and let "others" take care of it. Most everyone in the group is pretty edumacated and totally committed to women's rights but the question was more WHEN do you throw yourself into that arena? The statement that kept popping into my head was from that popular shirt that was around a few years ago: Start a Revolution - Stop Hating your Body. In my opinion I don't think it matters if you fly around the world 10x's a year to foreign countries and catch babies or do whatever you feel drawn too. If you are fueled by the wrong reasons, it seems like it's all for naught. I can think of a handful of women that I think have done some great things either locally or globally but knowing some of the stuff that I know about them, it makes me wonder where they are really come from. That was pretty much the discussion - it was nice and cordial nobody got their panties in a ruffle over anything. We also got to hear first hand from Laura about their quick mission trip to India and the blessings that took place there. She's so awesome - I'm forever indebted to her for her kindness in helping us move. I will always want to be on her team - She's a force to reckon with! (Clint - you need to write your angel number two in our moving experience - she didn't bring beer but she brought wings!) Also, it was nice to be able to finally NOT have a pressing prayer request but to have just a praise. AAAHH! Let me remember this when I feel like the sky is falling and I'm running around like a fool.

Crispin took a nap in my arms during group and stayed asleep while I drove home. I did a quick drive through the parking lot of Clint's old work to make sure our other car was still there. It will probably be there a few more days before we can pay the $100 for a second parking permit. I had visions of it being towed away and having to pay a gazillion dollars for it. It's been nice not having to use our cars much here and that is why it stinks so much to pay for a second car permit. Clint will probably need the car once he is doing field placement, so I guess it makes more sense to keep it. I don't want to live without a second car if we can avoid it. Plus, it's paid off and it's been pretty reliable since we bought it.

Anyway, I got home and Clint was still holed up in the basement admiring his beer. Oh, I'm sure he was really doing homework. We thought we should do something since we could w/out the big boys. So we went out to eat at a place that we have never been back to since we first moved here because it was too expensive for us all to eat out. We've dreamt of going back and having those burgers. It was a nice lunch even with creaky in tow. We went for a walk by the water and then came home and baked some muffins for Slade. Slade had called earlier from school and left a message asking if he could stay after school for Academic games. I called back and asked them to let him know that it was alright if he did. I guess the message never got to him because he was home right after school. Hopefully, it's not too late for him to join next week.

Pretty much covers our day here. Crispin has been quite clingy the last few hours and has nursed me dry, but he's still trying in acrobatic poses to get some milk. He's also humming all the while. Typing and nursing it doesn't get any more multi-tasking than that. If I could only change his diaper while we are at it...

My Day

I had Amanda, her Eamon, Kerri and her Abby over for breakfast this morning. On the menu was: Whole wheat pancakes, apricot topping w/ warm (real) maple syrup and bacon on the side. I made some strong coffee for Amanda and I - which I will be regretting at 1 a.m. It was a nice breakfast before Mandy had to leave for her business meeting w/ the midwives. They have asked her to join their practice! I am so excited for her. She did it! 2 hard years of busting her butt and catching babies and come January she will be a bonafide, certified Midwife (CPM). It's only going to get better from here for her and her family. With 3 midwives in the practice she will be able to have at least 10 days off call and be able to plan her days out better than being worried if she will be called any minute to a birth. We will see if she chooses to join or not. she's still debating it and running it in her head. Kerri is expecting her second child in the spring. She's still getting over the shock of a second baby. This baby should be a charm for her!

Julia was supposed to come around noon today but her mom called and said she wouldn't be coming because she was running a bit of a temp. See that? Parent's who care and take precautions. What a nice thing. Katri is even a professor of music (cellist) and the semester has just started but she felt better staying home with Julia. I'm so blessed with these kinds of clients. She's even going to pay me!

I was able to finish the little sweater I have been working on since gra'ma was here. I just need to find some cute buttons for it.

Clint came home a little after noon and we were able to hang out and watch silly TV shows while Crispin slept. We are waiting for our cable to get turned off. We only had it for Gra'ma's visit and we will move our TV down to the basement. We will be TV FREE! I know I get sucked into it and will just sit and watch VHI w/ all their celebreality shows they have now. I watched that Danny Bonaduce show and man alive he is messed up! Plus, the boys are really busy this year w/ all the schoolwork and Slade having soccer practice 2 nights a week. Slade just brought home his bass from school and it is a beauty! I had to get a picture of him with it.

He's so proud of it. He gets to keep it at home all year long. Thank God! That thing is huge and there would be no way I would be able to get it to school and home a few times a week. The cello was hard enough last year.

I've noticed I haven't mentioned Jack much here, but he is doing wonderful. Shy and bashful as he is he's sweet as pie. He just loves Crispin to pieces. They will be best friends as Clint described in his writing. Jack has been falling off his bike a lot lately and on one hand I am worried, but on the other hand isn't that what playing outdoors is all about? Cuts, bruises and scars that last for centuries? I still have a few scars from when I was his age on my knees. I do wish he would wear his helmet at least until we get healthcare!
Here's one of his paintings that is our favorite.

That's it for now. I need to get them all ready for soccer practice.

Childcare is in full swing

So, now my days are being filled up with watching little ones. On Mon and Tues I will have Samantha from about 8:30-3:30. On Wed, Julia will be here from 12:30-5:30. Once Crispin turns 18 months she will be here on Mondays too. I’m so thrilled how it all worked out. I swore I would never do daycare again because of the experience in AZ. It’s because of that experience that I know how I want to go about it this time around. It’s all falling into place and I will have Thurs and Fri off. (I might have a boy on Fri for 2 hours in the morning.) But still it’s manageable. The best part is – being licensed and offering care for UM students and faculty will insure that we will have our rent reduced by $250 A MONTH!! I’m charging a few dollars more and that will allow me to get by on only having a few kids part-time. I’m happy that I know the parent’s well and can trust them. They are all invested in their children so there won’t be any 3 day sleepovers for us!

Wants vs Needs

Today Clint will go and drop off a few of the hundred forms that state assistance requested. I want him to wear his UM SOCIAL WORK shirt and tell them that he's here to take over the place and infuse it with empathy. They treat people like crap. I sat there for about 50 minutes a few weeks ago observing their tone and facial expressions they used with people who came in to fill out/drop of applications. They made people feel like idiots with their eye rolling and gigantic sighs. I wanted to tell them to find another job. Our caseworker looks like she would rather be somewhere else and has no qualms showing it on her face. I hope I don't have to work with her too much because I think I could get more help from a wet rag!

Once this procedure is done, we hope to be able to qualify for health insurance for the boys and food stamps or whatever they are called nowadays. With the little bit of money Clint got for school and my little income we should be set to pay all our bills. Not much to play around with after the bills, but we feel pretty set in the things we need. Our wants on the other hand...well that will have to be for another time!

SCORE!

So, today we woke up early and headed to Northwood V community yard sales. We were on a hunt for a crockpot. We are still mystified on where ours went and also most of our kitchen utensils. We have searched the basement at least five times now and we haven't found them at all. Also, I was on a hunt for winter clothes for Crispin. So we find 3 pairs of shoes for Creaky; stride rites $1, Doc Martens velcro boots .50, Teva sandals for next year .50. We also find him a really really nice snow suit, $3 and also a very nice almost new cond. LL Bean Fleece suit w/ mittens and hat $3. Clint found a wool pea coat $4 and last but not least a crock pot for $7. Oh and I also found a fold up booster seat for daycare for $5. We walked home pretty thrilled w/ our purchases. I felt good knowing I held out and was rewarded for it. I got all the winter clothes that I was thinking Creaky needed and also the shoes. I was worried about the shoes, because at Cedar Point Crispin threw his sandal into the pond and we couldn't get it and then at church Thursday I think I left his shoes on the kiosk and so I hope they are in the lost and found. Those two pair of shoes I got at a Thrift store for .25 a piece. The sandals where like new and the other a pair of worn but nice stride rites. We even came home with some cash left over. In 2 weeks our community will be having ours. I have a box of stuff to sell and I told the boys they could compete to see who sells the most and they could keep what they sell. Jack doesn't want anything to do with that. He would rather find his own things to sell and not be a barker for the rest of the stuff. Slade is all over that and can't wait to count the money. He's saving up for an Ipod, well it's like an Ipod but better, he says. It cost more too. He's got a whole business plan he's working on, we will see if it gets off the ground in a few weeks here.

Slade had his first soccer game and he was NERVOUS with a capital N! He did well and they won the game. He too is surrounded by kindred spirits that encourage him and treat him well. All the boys on his team are very nice boys and they all are pretty good friends now. Some of the boys on the team where good enough to get into the completive soccer world called United but some didn't make the cut. Instead of them going their separate ways, they decided to stick together another year with Rec&Ed and work on getting on the same United team next year. They even hired a UofM soccer player to give them pointers for this season. I just hope Slade can get the confidence he needs and continues to be encouraged by his peers. He said he felt like he was an asset for the team today. Way to go kid!

Clint cooked an awesome dinner tonight. He tried out a new recipe called Mediterranean turkey kabobs w/ mint yogurt dill. we also made this nice light salad w/ cucumbers, tomatoes and dill vinegar oil dressing. The boys seemed to enjoy it all as well. I had my reservations about it all but I knew I would probably like it if it was cooked for me! Especially because I didn't have anything better to make for dinner and I didn't want to cook.

I just thought about some of the cutest things Crispin has been doing lately. If we tell him to stand on one foot, he will give it a try. He gives high-fives, if you ask. He will take off our socks if we ask him too. He also has learned how to turn on and off the TV and so we are always trying to be stern with him and tell him "NO!" So, now he will walk around saying "NO!" and will go straight to the TV. He kicks balls, say "aaa" and points to airplanes. He's been signing "more" and "all done" for a bit now. It was so cute to see him sign "more" to grandma when she was sharing a bowl of ice cream with him. I gave him a taste of some nasty beer because he kept trying to get to the bottle. He liked it and asked for "more" Slade didn't think that was funny at all. He was like how dare you! It was ONE tiny sip! SHEESH! He has his favorite books and will sit and just listen and make you read them again and again. Time for bed, The little mouse, the red ripe strawberry and the big hungry bear (it used to be jack's favorite too) and a book on penguins are Crispin's favorite books. He will get "time for bed" when it's bed time when we tell him "get your book and let's go night night." There was something else that he has been doing lately that just slipped my mind. Will have to write it down at another time. It's time for bed and now I'm off.

Friday!

Yippee! It's been a good end to a nice week. I've had the last 3 days to do nothing. Clint has had the last 2 days off from school. It's been great. The boys had soccer practice on Wednesday and that went very well. Slade's first game is tomorrow and it's at 3! I just love afternoon games, rather than 8 am games. How that used to stink in the colder months. Jack won't have a game till the following Sat. Yesterday, I went to moms' group and that was great. I hung out with Clint the rest of the day. In the evening I went to Capsule Night at Tappan. I went to each class that Slade attends and found out what they will be learning throughout the year. It was very interesting and I am amazed how he can keep it all together. He wakes up at about 6:10 - showers and then eats breakfast and he has been packing his own lunch because I'm still in bed w/ creaky. Clint is usually up so I don't feel so bad. Slade has to catch his bus at 7:30. Pretty early! It sounds like it's going to be a good year for him and a busy one too. I can't wait for it to get into full swing!


I am on a new project kick this week: Knitting Socks! Margaret said she would teach me how to knit them on 2 circulars! Sounds confusing, but she said it was very easy. Slade asked me to make him socks and I told him I would try. It's kinda neat when they ask for home-made things! I knitted them wrist bands that had a star on one and the other one said GEEK. They wear them, so that has been nice. Anyway, today Clint and I walked to the knitting store and I was able to bore him to tears w/ all the yarn and needles. The sock needles look to be the size around as a toothpick…pretty tiny and then if you are going to use double pointed – even more trouble! I'm excited to try it out and at least get a pair done.



Here's a photo of the bag I finished for Lynne. I even kool-aid dyed the yarn to make that orangey-red color. I forgot to get a photo of it after it was felted. I was so excited to get it to her! She loved it and paid me a nice sum for it. I wish it was a way to make money because they are easy and fun to make - but can be costly to make for just the wool.

Well, this pretty much sums up our days around here. Nothing too exciting. Creaky has been a bear all day and I wish I knew why. We'll pray for a better day tomorrow!

A spring in my step

Recently I found myself running with any feeling that overcame me. They were mostly yucky ones. If I was feeling pissy and catty, then I ran with it and no one was spared from my flippant remarks. If I was surrounded by whiny people, then I became shrill and annoying. I found myself commiserating with angry people and walking away with a heart full of anger and resentment for circumstances that weren’t rooted in truth or even reality. I found it a challenge to see how long I could wallow in my own made-up drama without trying at all to find the source of my discontent.

In my thinking, I felt it wasn’t worth it, why bother? Nobody else seems to be bothered when they go through years and years and more years of carrying chips on their shoulders. Why not just continue on this crummy path? Why can’t I live in functioning misery and pity parties?

Just as I was running those thoughts in my head - I felt a calm come over and it was as if God’s net of mercy swooped me up and brought me back to that stable and restored ground called Grace. The land enriched with hope, faith and love. All mine for the taking.

I came back to that peaceful setting that I have clutched onto for so long now. How did I even leave it in the first place? It’s like I lost my coping skills while running with those yucky feelings. I lost track of all that is good and pure and focused on all that is ugly. *Shivers* takes me back to adolescents and if you know me and know me well, you know what I’m talking about!

Grace finds goodness in everything. Grace makes beauty out of ugly things. May grace fall all around.

Old Bitty

I received this card in the mail today from my best friend. Inside it reads:
once again, he's 30 minutes late.
i have half a mind to go home to my sick husband.

I laughed so hard! What a great picture. At first I was perplexed wondering what this photo was and why was she sending it to me. I thought maybe it was her mother back in the day or my crazy aunts in the background.

It was just a nice out-of-the-blue card to say thanks for being a great friend or else she would be heavily medicated- too funny! I need to find a witty one to send back to her as I feel the same for her.

Read any good books lately?

While Grandma was here we took turns reading Crispin: The Cross of Lead
I hadn’t read it prior to Creaky’s birth - as intended. She also read another book of Slade’s called Freak the Mighty. We enjoyed watching the DVD of it a few months ago, so Slade decided he wanted to read it and see which was better. Grandma read it and loved it and now wants to rent the movie when she has a chance. I just can’t read ONLY at night, especially if I get sucked into a good book. I will let the house go to finish it. Two books I recently read that I LOVED and couldn’t put down were: The Glass Castle: a memoir and A heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Now, I’m on the hunt for another good book to read. Anyone out there want to read one together? Clint will read a book after me, but I get so frustrated not being to talk about it until he’s done. By then, I’m reading another book. Poor Slade will beg me to read one of his books, so now I know how it feels. I’m going to start one that he suggests I read called: Dunk he says it’s really good. I’m waiting for him to tell me how good the book he’s reading right now is. It’s called: Eddie and the gang with no name – Running with the reservoir pups. Maybe he will be the first to review it on Amazon!


Oh -another book I read that was hilarious and crass and not for church picnics was Naked. I really want to read more of his stuff.

Jack come back?

Jack – pleeeze stay home! Don’t go to school today! I’ll call the school again and tell them you are sick. Didn’t you say your tummy hurt? Please don’t go…we can homeschool. C’mon what do you say? We’ll have your friends come over after school, so you won’t miss them at all. Oh - I know you can help me bake banana muffins again – YUM!

Yes, this is the scene that took place just a few minutes ago as Jack got ready for school. Yesterday he stayed home from school because he kinda missed the bus and his tummy hurt. Yesterday, I thought would be a day for just Creaky and I, but as it turned out I was doing childcare for a friend of mine whose daughter is a few weeks younger than Creaky. I thought for a brief moment - what had I gotten myself into. In no time at all Jack made all the difference. He built a tower of blocks for Carrie and showed her how to use a few toys while I made sure Crispin woke up to a good start. We baked muffins, went for a wagon walk around the place, I even got a 2 hour nap from the girl baby. Everything went without a hitch as the day drew to a close.

I know Carrie secretly wanted to take Jack home with her. She didn’t know if she should leave him behind. Who would play with her while her parent’s were busy doing other things?

Jack the great, brother almighty. He’s like a super hero. He swoops down the stairs and saves the day. He’s gone, he’s getting on the bus, he’s leaving us, he’s not even turning back to say bye.

RM STATUS

Roommate Status - You know the space where you and your hubby are reduced to grunts and shrugs for communications. Something like this: Oh -your home already (could you leave again?) You might get a nod (like duh, I told you I would be home at this time) Well, alrighty then, good to see you. (I have a ton of laundry in the basement that I'd rather be doing) Or another scenario could go like this: You are excitedly sharing your day or even just a tidbit of it (wouldn't want to over-load your spouse with too much useless information) when you get the eye roll and the deep sigh that acts as a Oh yes, I'm hearing every word you say so hurry up and get on it with already. (does this story have a point) You finish up and look at them with enthusiasm and wait for their reply when you may just get a "oh". So then you go on your merry way wondering if this is what happily every after is all about – staying out of each other's way and giving high fives on a few occasions when you pass each other on the way to the kitchen. Yeah, I know all about the ebb and flow of marriage and this is just a season that we are in with all the new adjustments to our lives. You would think you could treat the one you love the only one in the world that is solely there for you with a little more respect and enthusiasm. I'm sure a stranger gets better empathy than we give each other. Like the first thing in the morning a big smile would come across the face of whichever spouse has been up the longest and has had a few minutes to themselves. They would greet you with a "good morning sunshine, have a cup of joe!" instead of the oh-shit-you-are-up-and-what-are-you-going-to-ask-me-to-do-today-and-haven't-I-already-told-you-how-busy-I-am?



It's days like last Friday that make all this go away and finally you get to regroup and unite as one force against all the stress of work schedules, school schedules, family assistance forms (a gazillion of them!) bills, lack of money to pay such bills, spilled milk on library books, interrupted blogging time and the drama we create in our own minds. We made a family trip to Cedar Point and rode rides like children again. The older boys overcame fears of heights and loopy-loops. The weather was perfect, the crowds were minimal - even Crispin was a gem for the whole trip, knowing we needed to have us a fun time with out a care in the world. We drove the 2.5 hours there and back like country bumpkins, if we had a ford truck with a bench seat I would have sat right smack next to clint with our hands on each other's leg. We laughed, talked, smiled at each other like we hadn't in weeks, we agreed on rides and waits (mostly – I HAD to wait the 1.5 hours for the American dragster – it was worth it) and who would ride what with whom.

It was a perfect end to a big summer and now we are a force to be reckoned with this semester! Try as you might to get us off keel - we will not succumbed to the pressures! Hear our roar!

Back from the dead and back to cloth diapers

I have finally managed to get my butt back on my blog. It's almost been a year since I last wrote! How bad is that. I can truly say that I have been enjoying Crispin to the fullest in that time and didn't have time to write about it. Although I wish I have been writing down some of the cutest things he's been doing in the last month. How his verbal and comprehension skills have sky rocketed! I will write about them as they come to me.

I figured I would keep track of this new chapter in our lives as starving students. It will be very interesting. With this in mind, I decided to get Crispin back into cloth diapers. I spent a bunch on them and no need to let them go to waste. I enjoyed the summer in 'sposies but I can't fork over the $7-$8 on diapers anymore. I would rather buy a skein or two of some pretty yarn and knit away. Clint is doing his own penny pinching - he has a vat of beer brewing now. I know it won't be so bad and I'm glad we are here in the midst of other financially challenged families. Makes it all the more tolerable.

Tomorrow will be the first day of school for Clint and the fifth day of school for the boys. My first full day of being alone all day with Crispin. I have a few knitting projects I am working on for those babies that are coming or that have come out recently.

Well, I will keep trying to get down to the basement where the comfy 'puter is and update often.

Besitos!