Serenity now

I love how everything slowly but surely falls into place. I'm grinning from ear to ear just knowing mom will be here in a few more days and how it worked out so wonderfully. We also received some good news today regarding Clint and work that pays. Hearing that news made me almost tear up and of course I said my "thank you God" prayer. Later, Clint said he better remember to pray, which made me laugh because I needed a good laugh. I always say something to the fact that I can't believe he forgets to pray. I'm constantly in prayer and thankfulness mode and I just think everyone else is too. I used to be in "please please please please" prayer mode but mostly now I am in "Thank you thank you thank you thank you" mode and what a difference I see now from back then. So all the big major things that were on my mind are slowly being lifted away. So happy I didn't stress myself out that I turned into a freak. I did't even call my mom to stress her out on my behalf either. I think I'm growing up and taking charge over these things w/ all the tools that I have picked up from having faith that everything works out and it's no use inviting everyone to my SOS party. Check me out all grown up and everthing!


If you want to kiss the sky you better learn how to kneel on your knees, boy. Lyrics by U2. I don't know why that song popped into my head right now.

Clint and I went out on our little date. A nice girl from church said she was going to make this happen for us and said she was coming over to watch the boys and bringing pizza. So, we took her up on the offer and headed out. We didn't do anything spectacular because we are strapped for cash, but we had a nice time togeter alone. We've spent so much time together over the summer that it wasn't a pressing issue that we do something alone but it was nice to get out and eat w/ out a 2 year old. We got home and she said she would love to do it again for us because our boys were so awesome. She has a little one that is one month younger than Crispin and the two of them got a long so well. That was a relief. There is only one little girl that Crispin truly gets along with and it's always so neat to see them play together, rather than butt heads.

Baby front news - nothing to report at this time. Head down, pretty engaged in the pelvis and growing is all. I'm getting a bit uncomfortable but know that it won't be long before baby makes it's appearance. We all took bets as to when we thought baby would come and if it will be a girl or a boy. All the boys, even Clint put the baby way after the due date! Are you all nuts? I'm going for the 7th only because 7 is my favorite number. We will see.

Buy some!

Everytime we are out of something and we tell Crispin that it's all gone, he will tell us, "buy some!" I think it started w/ bandaids, I told we were out and that I would have to "buy some" at the store. He never forgot that phrase and uses it daily. It's so funny. Just right now, Jack was making Crispin an egg for lunch and I told Jack to becareful w/ the salt because he would have to get it out of the container because the shaker broke. Crispin looked at me and said, "buy some!" My next phrase will be, "do you think money grows on trees?"

My mama's coming!

Mom called Sunday and said she had more vacation days that needed to be used up before the holidays started - even with her vacation days planned for the third week of Oct. to come here. Her boss randomly chose for her vacation days to fall 9/12-9/19. So mom was wondering if it was too late to find cheap airfare. I told her I would look in the morning since I was already in bed. It was a bit of a relief to hear she could possibly be here so close to the birth because I was a tad bit concerned with having some recovering time. Meaning - how would I have some time w/ Clint's busy schedule? I don't want to farm out Crispin for those first few days that our new one is home, but I don't want to be jumping out of bed for at least 3 days either after giving birth. Again, I would just throw my arms up and say, "it's out of my hands!" while secretly hoping for a weekend baby.

I found cheap airfare for those days and called mom to see what she thought because she's is one to tread slowly into these things - thinking about money, gra'ma, randy, flying solo, lay overs, concerns about getting to and from the airport w/ out bothering anyone to take her (about an hour drive from her). She has to mull these things over out loud and I have to be the one the give her the "push" she needs. This time she was, "okay, those times sound good, let me get my credit card." Before I ordered her tickets I told her that people are concerened that if she is here for the birth would she freak out and cause me distress? She laughed and said something about if I didn't freak out, she wouldn't. I asked her, "If I do, what will you do?" She said she was more in the realm of thinking that if these vacation days randomly came up for her to take, she was taking it as a sign that she should be here and that is where her heart and peace were at. "Works for me" I said and left it as that.

I think it will be cool that she was here for it no matter if she sat down in the basement praying her little heart out or if she was with me in a corner praying her heart out. I have two concerns: I don't want to wait till the 12 to have a baby but I don't want to have a baby too many days before she gets here either. My other concern is do I even want her at the actual birth? I don't know why it's such a quandry for me about having people here. Ideally, I would love to just give birth w/out any one around, lick my baby clean and then get into a clean bed. Just joking, I don't have an ideal birth in my head, but I was sure happy w/ how crispin's turned out. Didn't see that coming but it was a scenario that played out in my favor.

This would complete our "bookend baby" theory w/ having her here since she was here for S birth back in 1994. We will see how it all plays out. All I know is that one thing that was on my mind heavy is now scratched off the list and I am feeling pretty good about it all. You gotta love the power of faith!

Today, I am cleaning my house like a mad woman, things are bothering me and I have to get to them today or else I will go bananas. I wanted to get to them yesterday, but Clint wanted to go fishing w/ the boys, so we all went and got rained out, but the boys had fun. This is our last week together before school starts on the 5 and I hope we can all have some fun - cleaning!

Summer time and the living's easy...

Yesterday was my last day watching the baby girl and I have to say it was a very pleasant experience. She mostly slept the whole time she was here. Her mom would come to nurse her every day at noon. Crispin learned a lot about being quite and about being gentle. It was great prep for him! I will miss the mom coming every day and chatting. She was a pretty fun person to chat with. What I will miss the most is probably the paycheck. I won’t have much of an income coming in for a bit here. Clint will be starting school and he won’t have time to have a job that pays – not even a one day a week thing like he had last semester. I know it will all work out because it usually does, but it doesn’t happen w/ out a little bit of stress, prayers and open hearts. I know that I won’t have the leisure this time around to enjoy the bebe for a whole lot of time without needing to jump back into work. I’ve prepared myself for it so I won’t become a bitter one on that subject. It’s good to know that at least I will have J coming back for daycare as soon as I open my door.

It will all be fine.

I’m anxious to get everyone back in school just because I want to see how the schedules are going to work out. I will miss them terribly as they have all pitched in and helped so much this summer – especially w/ Crispin. I’m going to be on my own w/ a new one and w/ Crispin the escape artist. At least he’s not throwing major fits anymore and has stopped yelling and hitting us. He’s been pleasant for the most part, but there are days where he’s determined and there is no stopping him. Those are the days that scare me. But on the other hand, he makes us laugh so much. He has been walking around saying random words like: guacamole whip(not DIP), internet (but in a robotic voice), rock and roll and he will call people weird things like pork chops. He’s obsessed w/ raccoons. He thinks they are going to come in our house and eat his food. When we are outside, he’s always on the lookout for any in the bushes. He says they scare him and we have to tell him we won’t let them hurt him. I have to admit they scare me too and there are many of them around. He absolutely LOVES to wear PJ’s. He’s become picky about clothes and tags. If he sees a tag on his clothes, I have to cut it off. He’s like Jackie in that way, but I don’t think it’s because the tags bother him, but because he thinks you are supposed to cut them off. He wants me to cut the tags off towels and stuffed animals too. Today we had our community yard sales and we brought a ton of children’s books out of storage and went through to see what we would keep and what we would sell. Crispin wanted to keep all of them and so when people were looking through them he would yell at them to “go away!” We had to bring him inside to keep from scaring off patrons! Yesterday he said, “HI” to a little girl and she ignored him and he turned around and said to me, “She no say hi to me, mama!” I told him that some kids are rude and that you just can’t take it personally. I think he understood because later he ran past her and gave her the evil eye.

Okay, enough for now. I should write about S becoming a bona fide teenager this summer, complete w/ girls calling him and inviting him out to bowl. Poor kid, he is so not a player and doesn’t think they are interested in him more than just a friend. Maybe they are not and that is fine by me. I hope that he can have friends that are girls and be able to hang out with them w/ out ulterior motives. We will see what 7th grade will be about!

Preparations are in order...

I ordered my birth kit a week or so ago and I have been washing receiving blankets and getting things together. I still laugh so hard when I think about when I was in the throes of labor in the shower and I had to get out so mandy could get heart tones. (she didn't have a doppler at that time and I'm so happy she has one now!) I get out and ask Clint to wrap a towel on my head while I lean my head down. He throws it on my head and I wait for him to actually WRAP it on my hair so I can tuck in and have a nice turban to keep my hair out of the way. When I realize he is done, I look up at both mandy and him and mandy says, " you are asking the wrong people to do that - we both have short hair!" We laugh so hard and I do my best to get it on my head before another contraction comes. The next contraction, I'm pretty sure was the one that brought out Crispin's head and my towel wrapping wasn't good enough so it was falling off by that time. I ended up with my wet hair in my face anyway.

This time I am prepared! In the dollar section at Target, they had a microfiber spa towel that is made to wrap around your head w/ ease. It wasn't actually a dollar but 2 bucks and a half, so I bought it. I get home all excited to show clint how to use it in case we face the same situation. I, for the life of me can't get that thing on my head with ease! He's looking at me and finally says, "I don't know if I will be able to help you out - you might be on your own in that dept."

I think the towel is a swell idea, but my hair might be too long and too heavy for it. Oh well. I tried.

So, I think I have everything in order for this birth. The neighbor lady that had her baby a week or so ago came over to thank me for the booties I made and also to give me her phone number if I needed to send Creaky over there. That was very sweet of her. I hope the birth happens so fast, crispin won't know what happened and we all snuggle in bed with a little one and start living our new life.

Finally

The wait is over - my bushy eyebrows are now the "in" thing according to The NY times. Yippee! I don't have to fret about getting them waxed or looking too squirly. I can let them grow wild and be in vogue. I've been waiting for this day to come for a long time now.

I'm so IN!

If only...

If only labor wasn't so far away - to some it's not because their babies come early but for me, my babies come on time. So 3 more weeks it is for me. If only I was a little closer to my due date I would think today was *the* day ONLY because of the mere fact that EVERYONE and EVERYTHING is annoying me! Today I have gotten like a gajillion phone calls from one of Jack's friend and his mother. I don't even want to answer the phone and hear their voices. The phone just rang and of course I was no where near it and I couldn't get to it. I treck up the stairs to get it and guess who it was? Yup, the annoying mcnoying ones. What do they want from us??

I start to clean up for dinner and everything falls to the ground making me bend over to clean it up, which is a chore. I keep knicking my belly button on everything. I ain't so skinny anymore. Let's see what else??

I remember feeling that way when I was in labor but didn't know it w/ S and how annoying every little thing was. If only today was the day and I would have an excuse to feel so annoyed.

Baby names and baby love

As S and I strolled around target talking about possible baby names we had moments of hysterical laughter. It's so crazy because we have not pinpointed a name at all for this baby - not even a first name. S and I were talking about one name and how I have always wanted a letter for a middle name, but dad has vetoed that idea and the idea of a number. Yes, I have always wanted to name a kid a number (more of a middle name) - this was even before "screen names" became a word. We could have ended up with a Rocket Seven Carter or something of that nature in our earlier years. Anyway, S and I said a boy name we like and I said we could just have the letter "J" as the middle name and he said it was the same letter as Homer and Bart had but they didn't know what it stood for. So we laughed because it would be the same here - what does the "J" stand for? In Homer and Bart's case sometimes it stands for Genius or Genuine, S said. I was laughing so hard, tears were coming out. These boys are such Simpson buffs - dorks! So, we will see what we end up naming this baby. I'm convinced it's a boy and Clint refuses to acknowledge. Seeing Crispin run around, I can't imagine what having another boy will be like. It's so weird to think about, but we will see. Boys are just as much blessings as girls are even though people keep telling me they want me to have a girl.

Today has been the day for men and women to come up to me and tell how great I look. As soon as I got out of my van today, a man asked me how much longer and how great I looked. I walked into church and got a big hug from Nancy and a "you look beautiful!" I walked into service and then a older couple sat down next to me and asked how much longer and how I looked super. Then when it was time to greet and shake hands (I sat down) a older gentleman shook my hand and whispered in my ear how fine? great? super? (something of that nature) I was looking these days and then kissed my ear! I do remember this happening while pregnant w/ Crispin. Not so much w/ the older boys. I think it's because of A2 being more liberal and people are all about throwing compliments or hate around...don't know. While we were at the family reunion, Jill had her theory on why some people shine and others don't. It's a matter of having girls or boys. She said she thinks the girls suck all the beauty out of mom while boys seem to enhance it. At the beginning of the pregnancy I felt like crap and I know I looked like crap too, but once I got some sun on me, I felt much better. So who knows. I'm curious to see what Britney Spears has, she's looking a bit worn out these days and I look at her and say "girl." but it could also be from her having babies back to back. I don't think her oldest is even a year old. Crazy! I'm feeling fine but boy do my feet hurt! I think it's because I have been wearing flip flops all summer long. I'm not used to wearing shoes w/ no support and especially when pregnant. I don't like wearing my shoes because all my clothes seem to look better w/ flops. I feel like I look like a hobbit when I wear my shoes. It just occured to me that what you wear probably helps in how you appear to people when pregnant. So that is probably more of a factor than having a girl or boy. Maybe attitude too? If you walk around looking miserable then you look miserable and nobody will randomly want to pay you a compliment w/ that attitude? I don't know but I just know my feet are killing me and I should wear my shoes for the next 3 weeks. They mostly kill me at night when I get up 16 times to use the restroom and step on hard wood floors. It will be all over soon, I know.

Oh well. I should get going. I sugared my pickles that gra'ma J gave me and ran over a little gift to the woman who had her baby last week. Crispin is watching a movie w/ S and Clint and Jack were invited to a Tiger's Baseball game. Mrs. T is calling me as soon as she gets home from mass, which is soon. So, I should go and find something good to eat. Jack made some double chocolate cookies yesterday and I have already eaten 2 but should eat a more sensible lunch w/ protein in it. That might help my swollen feet, although they don't hurt today w/ my dansko's...

Whistle while you work...

Lately our Jackie has become quite the whistler. He can carry a tune like nobody's business. It's so sweet. He whistles while he makes us all breakfast - blueberry pancakes and chocolate chips. He's mastered that recipe, complete with making buttermilk w/ lemon juice and milk. He whisltes while he waters the garden or taking out the trash. He seems like such a happy boy and I do hope he really is. He's still so shy and avoids many situations if he can. He would rather teach himself how to do something than take a class. While we find it annoying that he doesn't put himself out there, it's kind of admirable to see him find something he enjoys that he takes the time to work on. This year he will not get away with not doing gymnastics. We've already told him he WILL be doing it since his BF will be back in town and he will be taking the same class too. Jack is so flexible and can do hand stands for what seems like minutes. He's our early retirement! No, but I think he is ready for back flips, bars and beams. He did gymnastics for a session but was so shy because he was the only boy and he would turn into a stiff two by four that couldn't get anything accomplished. We let him quit after seeing how much he hated it. I hope this time around he thrives and enjoys it more. He has the body for it, that's for sure. Long, muscular thin body - full of grace. I wonder if he can whistle while he does gymnastics?

Has baby moved today?

This is the question I get asked by my little familia at least 10 times a day.

We were scared silly this past Friday due to an inactive baby for what seemed like an eternity. Sparing every minute detail as I feel like I am so far removed from that day and that overwhelming sense of grief.

Baby decided to take a looong snooze and Clint and I decided to run every bad scenario in our heads to the point of no return. We ended up at the hospital where our minds where put to rest as soon as that nice sweet nurse put that heart monitor on spot and got the loudest heart tones that echoed off the walls. It was joyous to hear those strong heart beats that went on and on...Of course baby decided to make their debut w/ some strong kicks to go along with it. We all laughed saying it would most likely to be a girl to perform only when she was good and ready - Drama Queen-esque.

Since then, baby gives me a round of kicks a few times an hour, almost w/ that snarky attitude of: kick kick - happy? or do you need me to do a little diddy for you to? maybe push on your bladder a little more or make your pubic bone nice and achy? I'll take it all at this point and only pray that soon baby will come out and I can see everything is alright for myself.

"Yes" is my answer to my boys when they ask that question and put their boy hands on my belly to feel for themselves.

Raising nuestro ninos - Raising our kids

Someone once said they heard this advice, "Raise children you want to hang out with." When I thought about "hanging out" I thought more about post college kids and having time for long talks when in each others company and having total freedom to discuss any topic w/ out biting my tongue and maybe dad and the boys would have weekly fishing trips or something. You know movie moments at every turn.
It just hit me this past week that it could also mean raising kids that you want to actually hang out with here and now.

A few weeks ago Creaky started turning into a little shit w/ this major attitude. If we told him he couldn't have something he would get really mad and start yelling at us things like "NO - you stop it!" or just plain "NO!" but then he would cock his arm back and act like he was going to hit us and sometimes he would. I was a bit shocked how much moxie this kid had and also a bit unprepared to deal with such attitude. The older boys never had a temperament like Crispin was having and I was beginning to think that we had a monster on our hands and he was going to be the child we needed to call Nanny 911 for.
Clint showed firm and consistent discipline with this attitude. I tried to be firm and consistent but with Clint home he kind of just took the reins and did what needed to be done while I sat back and rested my swollen dogs. Crispin responded well and knew he wasn’t going to get away with too much from either of us BUT especially dad. I have to report this week was a very pleasant week with Crispin. It took him a few days to adjust to NOT saying "NO" to us and he skirted around it by saying "NEE" instead. He hasn’t cocked his arm back to any of us and has responded well to us when we let him know he can’t always have his way. We have been able to keep it at a level where he’s not freaking out because he can’t have this or that. It’s been good in that I don’t mind hanging out with him day to day and I look forward to be alone with him and the baby when everyone goes back to school.

I was thinking about the older boys and how we never tolerated whining and especially fighting with each other. Those are the two things that I can remember they never got away with. Oh and talking back to us!!! For the most part they have been pretty pleasant little men to be around throughout the years. They are pretty good brothers and use some fair tactics to resolve any kind of conflicts that may come up. I had the pleasure of observing them while they were being paid to watch after 2 brothers (3 and 1.5 yrs old) for an hour and a half on Thursday. I was smitten with how they were both able to keep these brothers from fighting over stuff or even hitting one another and they kept them occupied with some pretty fun play. They used words and skills that I know were used with them. Patience was an underlying presence for that time. (where did they learn that??) They have always been good with Crispin but I always thought it was because it was their little brother and he wasn’t going away anytime soon. They have been hired for the month of August one day a week to be babysitters for these boys at our house. S has been called on one or two times a week to take the older boy and play w/ him while the mother gets some stuff done at home. They are so excited for the opportunity. I am excited for them as a mother. Not only do we like hanging out with them but now two little guys get to too and hopefully they will learn a few things from these older boys about being good brothers.

So, yeah, I understand what that saying was meant to mean now. It’s kinda cool to have these little revelations, embrace them and put them to work as best as you can. We aren’t out of the woods yet – another one is on the way and by the looks of it they just keep getting more and more brazen! Ay yi yi – give me strength!

Making time for a night out

Our 13th anniversary is fast approaching and we finally think we know how we want to celebrate it. A few weeks ago, I sent out an email to my moms’ group about anyone will to do childcare for all 3 boys so Clint and I could enjoy a night out. To my surprise – I received 3 responses all willing to watch all three boys! One friend said she thought it wasn’t fair that we get out only one night a year and said to take her offer for another night out before baby comes. Sweet! I relayed that info to Clint and he said, “One night a year, more like 1 night every 3 years.” He had a point. I can’t remember the last time we went out w/out the sonny’s. Since the older boys have come of age we have been going out more and more w/ just the creaky boy. With Clint being home practically all summer, I was beginning to think that having a night out might be a waste of time and money and maybe we should just order in and enjoy more family time. We have been doing everything together lately. If we need milk, we both end up going to the grocery store just to go together. Can you believe it – right now he’s at the grocery store without me? He asked if I wanted him to wait till after the daycare baby was picked up so we could go together. I thought about it and said he should just go and get it done now. I had a bad night sleep the night before last and I feel very sluggish and achy from it, so I am resting up while the daycare baby sleeps and creaky is w/ dad.

A few days ago I was driving home from cleaning and wondering what kind of night out we should have. I was starting to think that having a night out wasn’t such a grand idea. I was wishfully thinking if we had gobs of money what would we do? If money wasn’t and issue what kind of night out sounded like fun? Nothing came to mind. Instead of wasting money for a stupid movie – seems like nothing good is in the theaters that would be worth my money and a free sitter. I thought maybe Clint would want us all to get together w/ one of his new friends and his wife and go out for dinner or just drinks and sit and talk w/out kids. That sounded like something that would be better than sitting in silence in a movie theater that I would end up falling asleep through the movie (I’m notorious for falling asleep during theater movies). The last couple of times we have gotten together with this couple, tables have turned – meaning I am the one on toddler duty whilst Clint is enjoying a lovely conversation. That has never been the case. I was usually the chatterbox while he was running after the little guys. It’s hard to keep a conversation flowing while keeping your eyes on small children. The last two times we got together with this couple, I felt I was avoiding deep topics just because I knew I couldn’t expound on them. Or that I was talking really really fast just to get out the story before I had to make sure Creaky wasn’t tearing it up.

So, a night out with other adults and no children sounded like a mighty fine night to me. Before I could tell Clint my idea and see if he was game, he showed me a trailer for a movie coming out called Quinceanera. It looks like a great movie that I can totally sink my teeth into. Although I never had a quinceanera, I knew plenty of girls who did growing up. I enjoyed the fact that Clint enjoys my culture so much that he always wants to watch movies that have to do w/ Mexican-Americans and not only movies but that he loves to cook and eat Mexican food. I think if it wasn’t for him, our kids would stick to pasta and pizza. We hope the movie comes to a theater near us soon. It opens today in NY and LA but hopefully it will come soon here. It won at Sundance in two categories. I just read a review in the NY times this morning and I wish I hadn’t. It wasn’t a bad review, it just told more about the movie that I would have liked to see before reading. Anyway, I’m excited to go out now with just the two of us. I don’t know what kind of food to eat before we go. We can’t eat Mexican because we will just be disappointed, we just tried out this little place for lunch on Wed. and it was pretty good, but still. Clint will be making Carne Adovada for dinner tomorrow – it’s his first time but I’m sure he will make it superb. I would do anything to replicate the chile relleno burrito I had in NM at Go Burger. Clint and I can’t get that burrito out of our minds!

Anyway, we will see where we end up for dinner and WHEN we actually go out. Time is running out – baby will be here in a few more weeks! Maybe we can eat spicy Thai food and that would help me go into labor!!