When is a Man Educated?

When he can look upon the universe, now lucid and lovely, now dark and terrible, with a sense of his own littleness in the great scheme of things, and yet have faith and courage. When he knows how to make friends and keep them, and above all, when he can keep friends with himself.

When he can be happy alone and high-minded amid the drudgeries of life. When he can look into a wayside puddle and see something besides mud, and into the face of the most forlornn mortal and see something divine.

When he knows how to live, how to love, how to hope, how to pray -- is glad to be alive...and has in his heart a bit of a song.

~~Joseph Fort Newton

This was on my box of tea and I found it to be well said!

Snow, Thanksgiving Fun and White Noise (and the wonderful sleep that accompanies it)

Wednesday before Thanksgiving we get snow! Without TV and not paying attention to weather.com – I was a bit shocked that it kept snowing and snowing all day long. Finally at about 5, we were able to go out for sledding. Crispin LOVED it. Our neighbors that moved away a few weeks ago gave us a nice little sleigh-like sled.(silly me - I let jack and his friend use it and now crispin has to ride on it backwards - i knew it would happen but didn't want to be the mean mamma!) Crispin just flew down the hill and when I caught up to him, he gave me the sign for “more.” So over and over again we went down the hill behind our place. He cried when it was time to come inside. The older boys enjoyed snowboarding and it was beautiful. Not too cold even.

We spent Thanksgiving with one of the coolest people I know. I am continually amazed at how awesome this person is. She leaves me awestruck every time we meet. We spent the entire dinner laughing – I had a stomachache from so much laughter. Needless to say, it was a great day but man alive, it was COLD! So cold that our handle to our car door broke off! It was frozen shut and Clint tried to pull it open and he only managed to break off the handle. I tell you – this car was a princess in it’s former life!

This weekend we bought 2 cool mist humidifiers and besides the nice mist it gives out it also has a nice white noise that lets me sleep through anything! I feel like we live in a hardwood box w/ nothing to buffer noise…basically we do. We have squeaky hardwood floors and thin walls w/ vents that let us hear our neighbor’s phone ring and their alarm clock going off at 6:20. I am happy to know, I don’t have to wait till summer for the window A/C to be put in to have a white noise to drone out all the other annoying sounds!

Oh yeah, forgot to mention the snow melted and we had a high in the low sixties with rain today.

Fearless child o' mine and his many feats

Look at this boy scaling the wall like some kind of spider. This is one of his favorite past-times- climbing. He loves to climb onto the table and now he knows how to push a chair into the kitchen area and climb onto the counters. He does kind of scare me but I think I would go crazy if I tried to barricade the whole house. He can only climb on the stair wall when the gate is up and that gate is only up when I have daycare kids.

His other favorite past time is watching his "Muppets on Wheels" video. He LOVES that movie, just like Jack did at this age. He will watch it up to 10 x's a day. He asks for it by name "TRUCK!" and tries to open the basement door so that we can get the movie on for him. I even heard him in his sleep say, "TRUCK" He's cookoo for it.

The other day he put two words together - he's on his way to making sentences. He heard the door open and he said "Door" and then he saw Jack run out it and he said "bye Jack" He has many other favorite words which are: Jack, Slade, Mama, Dada, door, ball, duck (now he says Quack instead of duck) Dog, moon, car, stuck, Na-key (I'm trying to teach him Nakie butt) milk, blue-ber (for blueberries which he LOVES to eat all day long) caw caw (for black bird) hot, book, bread, broke, squ-rrel (for squirrel) wa wa (water) horse and another favorite past time of his - BOOK. Since he could hold his head up he has been fascinated with books. He mostly enjoys books with real photos. Sometimes he's really quiet and I will look and he's on the floor looking at all the books, especially the one with all sorts of TRUCKS.

We are all enjoying him so much. I just never imagined. He's a bit like Slade and a bit like Jack. I think more like Jack. Slade was always like 3 years older than he really was. He was so serious and always observing. Even around kids his own age, he would simply refer to them as "babies" I'm talking like 2 years old when he did that kind of thing. He didn't get the whole playing thing one bit, but would enjoy watching the other kids while he stood and observed. He would have rather sat and had conversations with us. He never watched a movie over and over, he didn't care to sit and watch a whole length of one. I think Crispin is a bit like Jack. He enjoys other kids company and doesn't pick fights or take toys away. He would somehow get kids to follow his lead and before long they were playing chase and having fun. I see Crispin do this with the 2 girls I take care of. He starts running around the table and the girls will follow, squealing all along. Sometimes Crispin hops the gate and sits on the stairs and the other kids will pass him toys through the little holes and they will do that for a good 15 minutes or so. It's cute to watch them get along so well.

For the 18 months that Crispin has been part of our life he has brought so much joy and laughter to all of us. I think Crispin and Jack have a bond that is so strong and I hope it only gets stronger and stronger from here.

This is about as much as I have done to keep track of his growing up - probably more than what I have done with the other boys. I hope they don't hold it against me when they are older. I do have things written here or there but nothing organized. Kinda like my life - bits and pieces here and there, projects started but not finished. My mom reminds me, it's my heart that matters the most. I can say that is wholly intact and beats nothing but love.

32 Reasons why I am loved...

The boys wrote this up for me this weekend. I tacked it up so that I’m always reminded to be on my best behavior even when I feel like the biggest grump. I’ve got standards that I need to abide by…



32 reasons we love you!

32. You are so forgiving.
31. You are so calm in times of panic.
30. Without you we wouldn't be alive.
29. You are so nice and understanding.
28. You care for us so much.
27. You do so much for us.
26. You get the happiest for us when we do something.
25. You always remind us of things we have to do.
24. You always make us laugh.
23. You always have good ideas.
22. You will help us out with stuff.
21. You always want to learn.
20. You take such good care of Crispin.
19. You always make the best dinners.
18. You are so thoughtful of other people.
17. You find a hobby and you love it and keep doing it.
16. You are so nice to other people.
15. You are never picky and make use of things you don't want.
14. You always are ready to teach us something.
13. You always are doing something helpful.
12. You always know what to say.
11. You always want to help out.
10. You always are friendly.
09. You always are funny.
08. You always are surrounded by friends.
07. You love us a lot.
06. You always take care of your plants.
05. You always are ready to talk to whomever.
04. You don't have any enemies.
03. You will try anything.
02. You listen to other peoples ideas.
01. You are our mom!

Cutie Pie!

I just got this picture emailed to me of Jack and his friend. I cropped Jack out since I don't have permission to post his friend. What a great photo of my Jackie boy!!

Peace in the midst of the storm

November 16
So, just to get this up to speed on what is going on with our case and to get it out of my head - Basically nothing is going on.

So, Clint called the State office on Monday and found out that nothing had been done to our case, despite talking to the case worker and having her word on it being "reinstated" once the second try at paperwork is turned in. So, our case is at a standstill.

Since Clint filed a hearing, we have a number to call and the lady was very helpful in giving us contact information and just speaking to us. Clint called the BIG supervisor and she called back yesterday and put me on hold while she went to speak to our case worker. She said it was on her desk and that she would input the information needed to get our case moving along.

On Monday we found a number for legal aide and I just had an appointment over the phone with them about pursuing a case. We shall see what comes of it.

We just took our car in because it was pulling to the left and because it had just been repaired in April, they told me to take it back to the place that I had it worked on. I changed mechanics because it felt like we were being raked through the coals w/ this Euro-tec place - I call it "Euro TAKE my money!" Of course it looks like it's going to be a pissing contest between the two places. "don't tell me I did shoddy work because we work on import cars only you Midas shop on every corner what do you know?" I can feel it now. So, with our schedules we now have to drive our car to eurotakemymoney and let them have a look at it and see if they take any responsibility. Work was done in April - not that long ago. It was a small fortune worth of work and I'm sure we are still paying for it today. So, we will see what comes of that as well.

In all of this I can say that it hasn't shaken me and made me feel like I want to give up or I can't take anymore. I am very thankful that in this time we have been blessed with money coming in from here or there. Never had we had to eat top ramen for dinner or had a hard time paying rent or our bills. My group that I attend, sent me a little blessing in an envelope and at the time I didn't think we would need it but now I know that it will come in handy soon. I feel totally watched over and taken care of and nobody is going without.

With the holidays around the corner, money will be tight but not to the point where there will be no Christmas or at least for the boys. Slade has been diligently saving his money for an MP3 player and will graciously leave it out for Santa to take and match. I'm so grateful for his unbrattiness in times like these. Of course if it was up to me, I would say there would be no Christmas for the next two years and leave it at that. (Mom and I would make great Jehovah's Witnesses in the sense of no gift giving!) Clint will take on 3 jobs if needed to make Christmas happen. The boys know this year will be low key but hope to get at least a gift from Santa. It's all good and I don't feel stressed out about any of it. Clint and I are in agreement about how much is too much (first year ever - I think)

Anyway, just wanted to write down what was going on so I can look back at this and feel how fortunate we have been, even in the midst of calamity. We are like eagles - when they feel a storm coming they sit up high and wait for the winds to come. They set their wings so the wind will pick it up an d lift it above the storm. While the storm rages on the eagle is above it all. It uses the storm to lift it higher - rises on the winds that bring the storm. I came a psuedo-journal I have that I have written in since 2002 and this was one of the things that I wrote about from a daily devotion on Isaiah 40:31. I got my bible out to see what the scripture was about and it was so awesome and I felt so comforted and protected in this time.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-UPDATE ALERT-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
I wrote all this on Wednesday, but didn't have a chance to post and I thought I would get back to it that night.

Since then our car has been fixed by just buying new tires. We knew we needed tires for a while but kept pushing it. So, our car is running just fine and we have a new set of tires - ready for the snow! Clint took Thurs and Fri off from his field placement and we had two wonderful days together. We took everything in stride and went about running our car here and there with no fuss. I love days like that when we are both on the same page and we can keep the peace about us even when we are doing all this running around. We have also been able to watch movies together before bed each night. Every Sunday, Clint will get a ton of movies from the library, but we never have time to watch them and this week we made the time. We kicked the boys out of our room (of course not crispin but he fell asleep around 8:30) and made them piddle around in their own rooms without disturbing us. We watched: The Notebook, Thirteen, Bridget Jone's Diary, part of the Motorcylce Diaries and last night we all watched The Village. We went out for lunch yesterday and enjoyed some Mediterranean food. We were stuffed and had a great time even with Crispin poking holes in the styrofoam cups the nice waiteress gave him.

Ahh- these are the days that we will remember!
Next post - Crispin is 18 months old today! Boy, do I have some things to write down but for now, I need to get the heaping pile of dishes out of my sink before it's time to pick Slade up from his tournament!

Worthy of a frame by Slade

Seeds frozen in escape trying to survive.
Leaves swirling downwards in an amazing show of colors.
Skeleton arm trees trying to scratch the wind,
a single yellow leaf on a plant of green.
The first to fall. Fall as many others have already.
Soon to cover the ground in a blanket of brittle leaves.
Everything on the ground. A work of art in it's own way.
Colors, sound, shape - worthy of a frame.

Drum Roll Please...

My Sladey boy - my little budding writer, my cool as a cucumber sonny, my sweetest sunshine of a big brother has made the honor roll this semester! We are so proud of him and he's so proud of himself! He kept on top of his schoolwork despite his busy schedule. He had soccer practice 2 days a week and academic game practice 2 days a week and with soccer games on the weekends and sometimes academic game tournaments on Saturdays - he was pretty swamped. He must be wired like his dad! He can totally kick butt and get things done even with a busy schedule - it just comes easy to him. Way to go Slade!

OH I LOVE TRASH!

Following in Oscar the grouch fashion - WE LOVE TRASH! Since moving to family housing we have been lucky enough to find a few items left by the side of the dumpster. Most recently Slade found a stereo system - not those big hunkin' pieces circa 1980 but the sleek more sophisticated ones that are around now days. It had rained the night before, so Clint took it apart and let it dry out. Now, since we have no TV we get to listen to NPR in surround sound while we eat dinner. I was walking to our car and I came across a brand new looking umbrella stroller. I was just thinking how I wish I had another one so I can have one in each car or at least one at home and TA DA - one magically appeared for me.

You wonder if we live in some kind of mecca of good-stuff-thrower-awayers. I remember a story about one of Slade's best friends in second grade, his mother told us how one day the kid found a TV and it actually worked when they plugged it in. I didn't think much of it at the time, only that of course a TV would be something he would enjoy since they didn't own one and I bet he was pretty sad that she made him put it back out. At least once a week there is a computer monitor or CPU out by the trash. I'm sure the owners being savvy computer geeks, have upgraded to a faster model and have no use for one that looks exactly like ours. This past summer there was a box of marked boys clothes in size 18 months-2T - so of course I pick through it and find a couple of shirts that would fit Crispin and a pair of overalls - practically new no rips or stains. Here's a list of things that we have happen upon since living here:

Practically New pair of Timberland outdoor shoes (just my size)
Trivial pursuit Junior edition (all game pieces included)
Plastic Dump Truck - like new
Glass covered case for showcasing all the new quarters (Slade hung in his room and his great g-ma sent him all the quarters he was missing)
minimally used trampoline (Slade's best friend took to their new house they just bought and have it all set up and works just fine)
tons of legos and other little toy pieces that Jack enjoys playing with

I was talking to a friend and she said I could make a living out of collecting the stuff and selling it. I already have a hard time with all the stuff that we have in our basement, that I would go crazy if I brought more stuff home. It's good to see it all "recycled" and not thrown in the landfills.

Now if we could only find an MP3 player and a PSP out by the trash - The boys would have THE Christmas of their lives!

Soul, soul, sweet soul

Last night was the awards ceremony for Jack's Rec and Ed soccer team. It was at a lovely house with lovely food and drink. Clint and I sat at the dinner table with the assistant coach and we talked about our kids and their skills. He told of the first day that Jack went to practice and how all the boys jumped up and dogged piled him while chanting his name. The coach said, "wow, this boy must be good!" I said "no, my boy just has soul!" During practice did the coaches find out our Jack was meek and shy and NEVER had played soccer before that day. The first day of practice, Jack was so intimidated that he never wanted to go back and part of me wanting to protect him from feeling like he wasn't good enough, wanted to keep him out as well. Clint and I told him that he at least had to get through the season but to tell us why he felt like he did. He went on to explain that he wasn't as good as the other players and didn't like being goalie. I could totally relate. A few weeks into the season we were driving and we had T with us and Jack was telling him how he didn't think he would be playing next season and without hesitation T said, "You have to! Do you remember how excited we all were when you came to practice that day? We want you on our team!" My heart flipped and I thanked God right then and there for kindred spirits that surround us with kind words and encouragement.

Later in the night when the coach was handing out certificates he told of the same story of how Jack was mobbed when he set foot on the field and how he thought the same about that boy being a top notch player for them all to swarm him like that. He went on to say how Jack has improved from the beginning and that he hopes he can count on him being on the team next year since he is so much a part of the teams' moral.

That's our boy. Sweet as pie and a heart full of gold. Even if you can barely get him to utter 3 words to you - you can tell he's full of goodness. All I hoped for came true - That he felt a part of something even if he wasn't the quickest, the loudest, the best - he brought what he could to the table and wasn't chastised for what he didn't bring. He brought nothing but himself.

I asked him after the party if he wanted to join soccer next season and without a second passing he said "Yeah!"

With support that builds him up instead of knocking him down - he has only one place to go and that is up up up! Way to go my Jackie boy!

The magical corner

Everyone said it would come but I didn't believe it. Sure enough - Crispin has turned that corner. He eats! I mean real food! I eat! He's not screaming his head off or climbing on our table at dinner time. I'm serious - since he could climb he thought himself a cat and would sit on our table while we eat dinner. Try as we might to get him in his chair he would just climb out and end up on our table. Every night we would try to sit him down first and feed him so we could at least enjoy our meal. It seemed like as soon as I sat down he was done throwing his food around (he was not eating much) and screaming like a banshee whenever I told him to let me eat my dinner. So there I would be running around the table from him or keeping him at arms length while I shoved food down my face. We all got good at tuning him out and we would carry on w/ our conversations like there wasn't a baby crying while he scaled the chairs to the table to get to me - why? to nurse of course because he was a marathon nurser - he was a champion! He was on his way to the olympics to win the gold in nursing. It was crazy. I know many of you out there are saying "I simply would not stand for that kind of behavior!!" I too was of the same mind but some how Crispin managed to thwart that stance. Clint and I held strong and just before we lost our minds Crispin turned the corner and became a 3 times a day nurser and an average toddler eater! WOW! Also, he has managed to sleep through the night w/ only waking up once to nurse and then HE turns around when he's done. I no longer have to pry my boob out of his mouth while he gropes me until I have to put it back before he wakes up the whole neighborhood. As I write this, I'm amazed that we went through all that and lived to tell about it. Part of me feels like I scaled Mt. Everest and would do it again in a heart beat. I was always the 'odd man out' whenever women shared their stories of sleepless nights and fussy babes. I had neither w/ Slade and Jack and as I would describe to others my boys were a cake walk.

Now, I've been to the other side and what I would like to carry on is empathy and hope for other mothers and share that it will get better and it will end - and most importantly keep your wits about you and enjoy all of it for what it's worth. I've spent way too many hours w/ mothers that will commiserate and "warn" the new mom that it only gets worse and to tell her husband to get a vasectomy ASAP! I will be the opposite of that.

For now I'm happy that enjoyed every minute of Crispin's marathon nursing and restless nights. I feel like I totally deserve any accolades that come my way on my mothering. Before I was just accepting graciously but deep inside I felt like a fraud . Jack and Slade practically raised themselves with minor rearing from us. Of course Jack might have had a few broken bones if it wasn't for our attentiveness, but other than that these boys have been good from the get-go. Crispin had a later start. I can tell he's following in the ways of his older brothers with his easy going ways and he will be just as delightful from this point on. Oh - I am feeling pretty high in my boots right now.

Can't edit - need to get crispin from flushing his books down the toilet. Well, maybe he's not so easy peasy as the older boys!