I've had it!

This is along the lines of working as a labor nurse. Yes, I do understand all the crap that they have to go through with the Dr's and rules, but I sometimes have that mentality of "changing it from the inside out" but I know it would be hard work and I may become jaded and pissed in that time. I’m not willing to risk that right now -I've got bigger fish to fry in this time.

I had a long story of what has happened recently that makes me question how much of a genuine caring person I am, but I’m condensing it and getting to the jist of my problem:

A few months ago a person has come into our lives that drives me nuts! I mean I just get sooooo annoyed that I want to scream! I’ve made some rash comments that have made me feel bad after saying them. But everytime we talk it’s one thing or another that is going on. She’s a single mother and I am watching her son after school and him and Jack play on the weekends and it’s been great. But for some reason I can’t stand talking to her for more than a minute. It seems like we always attract these single moms – this is like the 5th one that I can think of off hand but I’m sure there are more. Out of all of them this one drives me nuts. The rest of them I had a lot of fun with and got to know them pretty well and considered them to be some of my good friends. (I always think it’s God’s way of telling me to count my blessings, because I was not far from becoming a single mother and repeating the cycle that was the bain of my existence.) Nothing against single mothers at all – she could be a married women whom I have this contact with and she would still drive me nuts. I’m trying my best to embrace whatever it is that makes me want to scream. I’m trying to embrace her as a women, mother and friend. I am really trying to make sure my comments are heart felt and I’m not treating her like a 6 year old. I don’t like saying things that are not nice to people who are already down. For the time being I'm doing my best to keep my mouth shut!

So, that’s it – I’m trying to find it within me to put my guard down and treat her with the love and compassion she deserves in a genuine matter. I don’t like doing things that aren’t genuine. I’ve done things for the show of it or to please people and I will never put myself in that kind of mode again.

I came across this a few weeks ago and how true it is:

Attitude
by Charles Swindoll
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."