Ready to wean part two

We got our morning off to a great start with making french toast. Crispin is constonatly on the go so this morning I spent a good two hours in the kitchen making french toast and then doing the dishes. After that it was time for a shower, so he and I hopped in there and showered. I forgot Clint bought him bubbles and so I ran a bath for him. He enjoyed it so much. Slade and Jack came up to watch him and Jack stayed in there playing with him while I got myself dressed and did a quick clean up of our room. After the bath, Crispin was ready for a nap. It seemed like he just woke up, but he's usually ready at that time of day. It was about 1 p.m. but it felt like it was barely 11 a.m. So, we crawled into our bed and I nursed him to sleep while I read (a must read book - clint just finished and now I'm reading it - Why we love these people - Po Bronson) While he was nursing, I thought to myself "Am I ready to give this all up - NOW?" I guess it comes down to the night nursing as being THE "pain in the neck" I would love for him to be night weaned and I would love for him to only nurse for naps during the day. Bottom line.

This past summer, I was out on the playground and a neighbor said to me "I bet he sleeps through the night for you, huh?" I told her heck no! She went on to say how I always looked like I had a good night's sleep and always had a smile on my face. She had a 22 month old at the time and she said she had this thought when he woke her up for the tenth time that night to nurse: "I really HATE this child right now!" I was a bit taken back by the comment but I have spent many hours with many moms at different times and knew that they have all said something to that effect once or twice. I guess, I just don't want to go to that place and I am being proactive on trying NOT to get to that place by using this God given energy (where did it come from? I remember being sooooo tired all the time after Slade)and trying my best to get Crispin do go w/out marathon nursing at night. I have visions of friend's and their 2+ year old's trying to have conversations with them while their child is flinging about and wearing their poor mama out to the point of giving in to them and nursing them even after telling them "no, not right now" - just to shut them up. I would rather have searing knives stuck into my eyeballs than deal with that. I want Crispin to understand when I say "no, not right now", I guess that is really the bottom line. I would go nuts if he thought he could just throw tantrums to get his way. I would like to have an amicable nursing relationship established with him. He no longer NEEDS it for nourishment and it's all mostly for comfort. I enjoy being able to meet his needs this way and I'm happy that I am in a position to do it. When we had friends over last week, Clint was telling them that he sees a difference of how much time he got to spend with our first child to how little time he gets to spend with our third. I feel the total opposite - and that is what fuels me to enjoy all of it. I said my only lament is when Crispin is on my heels and I have things to do and if Clint is home, I would like for him to take him and go for a walk or to just engage him in something else. I don't like when Crispin's on my shit list AND on Clint's. One of us needs to be the chilled out one. I guess that is where the older boys come in. They really enjoy playing with Crispin and I know they aren't feeling like it's a chore.

I know my efforts will pay off in time. I just need to continue with what I'm doing and eventually Crispin will understand that nursing is something that doesn't need to done every minute or whenever he's bored. If he plays his cards right - he might be able to enjoy nursing beyond the two year mark. ;)

Okay, hubby is home!