Bad mamma moments

Mom and I were talking about forgetful moments as mothers. I didn’t know Slade’s practice ended at 7 last night, so he wasn’t there at 7:30. I didn’t know where he could be, but I tried the coach’s house and they said he was at the other coach’s house. I had to hurry because Jack would be getting dropped off at home from his practice that I just left from and I didn’t know if they ended early or not because of the darkness either. It worked out that they called Clint and he was already there to pick him up. WHEW! When I got to our parking lot, I saw the car that dropped Jack off leaving and I didn’t know if Jack was in there or at our door. I ran to the door and he was there waiting in the dark like no big deal.

Mom and I talked about the time she dropped me off at pre-school and it was closed. I was no older than 6 at the time. She just drove off because she was running late…as usual. I was a brazen 6 year- old because I totally remember NOT freaking out. There was nothing to do but walk to her work. I remember not wanting to ask a stranger to use the phone in their house, so I kept walking through neighborhoods hoping nobody would notice me and stop me. Kmart (where she worked) was about 2 miles away across 3 busy busy streets. I crossed streets like a pro, held my head up when I walked and didn’t cry. I made it to her work and she freaked out. Everyone around her freaked out and made her feel like a crappy mother. I told her it was fine and that I was hungry. She took me to gra’mas house where they were celebrating Lent. I remember that clearly for some reason. We ate lentils, capiortada and fish.

My poor mom still turns beet red when that comes up. I can feel it over the phone. That was our life at the time – single motherhood was all that we knew. She thought she was doing me a good thing by putting me in pre-school instead of letting me run around loose at gra’mas house. It was what all the proper parents did if they couldn’t stay home with their kids. That is probably why mom feels the need to be so supportive of me staying home. She lives vicariously through me. Not in an unhealthy way, THANK GOD! It would drive me crazy if she was so sappy about how she wishes she could have done this or that differently. She knows she is forgiven for anything that she has said or done. Forgiven because she has asked to be and forgiven because I would have freely given it to her even if she hadn’t asked. That is why it pangs me so much to be so far away from her and gra'ma. Why are we so far away from each other? I feel like we moved here for a purpose and it’s because of this move that Clint and I are at these pivotal points in our lives --- but why the heck so far from mom and gra’ma or any other family?? Every time we talk it’s like we are both on these missions that we are excited about and only each other can truly understand. We talk about deep issues and feel very close spiritually to each other. We feel very much that we are both were we need to be, but confused as to why we aren’t together. It drives me crazy because we have all the components to be the perfect threesome. Clint used to say we are like gorillas, picking fleas off each other when we’re together. It’s true, we always sit next to each and hold hands, walk holding hands, stay up till midnight talking. Who knows when the next time we will all be together. Until then, I lift them up in prayer and thank God for letting us have a great thing going on. Love you Mom!