REVISED Comment to leaner

I just read tif-do's comment regarding "cookie-cutter" I so did not mean that comment the way it came out. I wrote that comment on the fly and didn't get to re-read before I submitted it. Some of the most loving women in my life are women that still wear penny loafers or pegged pants - I wouldn't trade them for a funky dresser - ever. I love them and can have heart to heart conversations with them and that is what makes our friendships so special.

With that being said, I want to say what I couldn't say in a comment. All this being MY experience - key word MY.

After having S, I thought I could still go out and have fun w/ friends like a mother-less person and still dress as I had always had. (even though I knew I became a young mother for a reason) Clint was much more traditional and felt that we needed to become more responsible and NOT go out and leave S w/ people every weekend. It was a bit hard for me to grasp at first, but in my heart of hearts, I knew he was right. The times we did go out, it was all because I probably cried and said something like, "if I don't - I will die!" Typical 20 year old? Probably.

By the time I was ready to have another child, I felt this overwhelming desire to grow-up and dress a certain way so that I could be taken seriously as a mother. I felt like I was surrounded by people who looked down on us because we didn't have a pot to piss in or a certain type of vehicle. I knew at the time it was MY own insecurities, but it was easier to be pissed and bitter at these people than to just accept where we were in life. I remember I stopped wearing certain types of clothes and only wore certain types of clothes. It was weird because I clearly remember it, but maybe it was the fashion at the time - long dresses. After having Jack, I really thought I had to dress a certain way or else we would really be looked down on because *gasp* we had 2 children now and this one was planned! My neighbor at the time was this hard-core mormon and I always felt like she was judging us - she might have been but no matter we were always the first people we would contact if we needed anything. I still keep in touch w/ her and just spoke to her the other day and I told her about us having another baby and she said w/ much genuniness, "You and Clint are truly one of the greatest sets of parents I have ever met and this baby is so lucky to be part of your family." It was a heart-felt comment that was taken w/ much appreciation.

When we moved to MI our first year here was full of dissapointment, frustration and depression. S started school and I was this eager beaver to help out and was met w/ much up-turned noses by the other parents. Of course - I was a 25 year old woman w/ 2 kids of my own. NOT the nanny, like some had thought. I became bitter w/ these people and gave up trying to be anything more than just S's mom. I showed up at school at all the events and made sure that my face was associated w/ him and that I was an involved parent despite not having money flying out of our asses. By the second year, I was jaded and only volunteered to be a library helper every week. By this time, I was hanging out w/ a group of friends where we would meet every weekend at our house and eat dinner and drink till we fell off our chairs. The kids would all hang out upstairs and watch movies until we came to bed. I had this angst against these soccer moms and PTA moms that thought they were hot shit. I was a pissed off woman. In this time I met Mrs. T and she was like an angel sent from God. I do believe. She LOVED S and every week would come over to talk to me and tell all these great stories about him and how we must be awesome parents for him to know the things he knows and because he was articulate enough to share his knowledge with the class. She also took the time to hear all about us and I wear my heart on my sleeves - so she knew EVERYTHING. She knew how unhappy I was and how much I looked forward to the weekends to hang out and self-medicate. She knew every time our car broke down and we were down to our last penny, she knew our plans to find a place big enough for 6 people and 5 kids, so we could all live cooperatively together. All she would do was listen and then say sweet things like "I hope everything works out for you." She also was that voice of reason that I wasn't listening to. I knew what I was doing - going out or staying home and partying every weekend wasn't something the boys were used to and we needed to get back to that space of todo para la familia - everything for the family. We lived by that for so long but moving to MI made us lose touch w/ that because of stress. Mrs. T one day told me that she thought S wasn't being his "cool - self" and she wondered if there was anything that was going on that could have triggered that. At that moment I knew exactly what it was. They were not used to being put on the back burner on weekends and then being yelled at because I just got off the phone w/ the mechanic and was highly frazzled. OH - what a sucky time it was back then. It was like she spoke the truth that I was refusing to see.

Months before I became a mother and a wife, I knew I was meant to be something more than just a cranky person always looking over the fence at how beautiful the grass was over there. It was all a process and it didn't matter how I dressed or how much money we made, my priority was raising kids from the heart and always being true to myself and embracing what was meant to be embraced and coming against anything that wasn't meant to be a part of my thinking.

So yeah, clothes don't have anything to do w/ anything. I wear what feels comfortable not what I think will get a rise from people. I wear sensible shoes and underwear, shirts that don't ride up and show my tummy when I reach up, pants that don't squish my gut and ride up my butt. Clothes that I can swoop down and pick up a toddler and clothes that let me run and catch a frisbee w/ the older boys.